In my arms was a humongous pile of filthy laundry; an all too fresh  reminder of the stomach flu that had just invaded our house. As I walked  I asked God for more grace than I felt at that moment, since I had just  pulled an all-nighter with two very sick, needy little ones. Without  even thinking (really, who could put together any coherent thought after  the night that I had just had...), I made eye contact with this picture  as I quickly passed through our bedroom on my way to the laundry  room...

I  let out a nervous laugh so I wouldn't fall onto the floor in a heap of  tears and exhaustion.  Boy, did life at that moment look very different  from the future of bliss that I had pictured on my wedding day.  Truth  is, between work and school and responsibilities and sickness and  all-nighters and life, I hadn't had one complete conversation  with Tyler in days.  I missed my husband.  And I was frustrated with the  wife I had become in the midst of the stress.
You  see, I can answer the phone in a fake happy tone.  I can choose to  write positive facebook posts and even pull off a smile for the  Schwann's Man when he shows up at my door at the most inconvenient  times.   But there's no faking it with Tyler.  He knows the real  me, for better and for worse.  And if I'm not careful, the one who I  pledged all of those heartfelt vows to on my wedding day can get the last and the least of what I have to give at the end of a long, hard day.
I  looked at that picture that day longer than I had in years.  I'll never  forget our photographer saying that the shots right after the ceremony  always turn out the best because they capture the emotion and joy of the  day.  He even shared a story of one couple who reported to him that  their wedding photographs had saved their marriage.  In a time when  their relationship was in turmoil, they looked back to pictures from  their wedding day and remembered how it all started.  The look in their  eyes.  The vows before God.  The commitment.  The hope.  The excitement  and somewhat naive invincibility of facing a new life together.
In  an instant, I studied our cheeks pressed together... my cheesy smile...  Tyler's bloodshot eyes from his tears that flowed throughout the  ceremony...
...and I made a choice to go back.  Back to the "vicious cycle". 
Much  of our wedding day is a blur, but one thing I'll never forget is our  pastor friend speaking of the "vicious cycle" of love and respect that  day.  Since then it has become a popular term that Tyler and I refer to  often in our marriage.  It's the "vicious cycle" that's explained in  Ephesians 5:  when I respect and submit to Tyler out of obedience to  God, then it prompts him to respond in love.  And when he loves me as  Christ loved the church, I want to respect and submit all the more.  And the cycle continues.
Unless life gets messy, and then it doesn't.
The challenge?  Choosing to be the one to reset the cycle when it's broken.  Not because it's easy.  Or fair.  Or because I feel like doing it.  But because there is joy and freedom when I follow God and His design for marriage. 
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" ~Ephesians 5:21
