Channeling our passion for the Gospel...

I'm passionate about baking. She's passionate about helping. This isn't always a match made in heaven. In fact, truth be told, I still like to do things my way in the kitchen. I really do enjoy flour-less floors and tea rings with perfect measurements all around. I desire order and efficiency when I work. I prefer my dough to be smooth and even, minus the ten chubby fingerprints through the center.

But yesterday when we were creating this Valentine treat for Tess's daddy, I realized that a key ingredient was missing in my idealistic little recipe for baking success.

Joy.

I needed to let go of the unnecessary and focus on the bigger picture. Forget the efficiency. Forget the perfection. Forget my way. There is so much joy in embracing this special one-on-one time with my girlie. Slowly training her from a young age to love working in the kitchen. Helping her to understand that we as women can love our families well through such a simple act of service. Grabbing hold of her love for helping others early, so it's her natural bent as she grows. Channeling her (sometimes overwhelming!) passion for good.

Possibly the biggest mom-lesson God continually brings to my mind is to be more passionate about the person than the project.

If I spend all my days as a mom trying to live up to the standards of perfection I have created in my head, then I will miss the ministry that God has placed before me. I can complete all kinds of projects and display all kinds of skills, but if I neglect to love others in the process, then I will have completely missed the mark.

Talk about being passionate about something... enter Ephesians. Paul has this passion-channeling thing down pat. He is so passionate about the Gospel, in fact, that he can't stop talking about it:

"For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles—

² SURELY you have heard about the administration of God’s grace that was given to me for you,

³ that is, the mystery made known to me by revelation, as I have already written briefly."

Ephesians 3:1-3

If it seems like Paul has repeated himself a few times in the first few chapters of Ephesians, it's because he has. Imprisonment couldn't even waiver him! I love the almost interruption of his speech in these verses. Was it because he felt the need to repeat himself again? As if to say, "Wait, I want to make sure you get this... SURELY you have heard. I've already said it, but this is good stuff. Remember this!"

It would be easy for Paul to get caught up in the political incorrectness of his message. What he has stated about the Jews and the Gentiles becoming one in Christ caused HUGE ruffles and controversy. I would have even understood if he was worried about his image, or if he had a little pity party for himself because the whole thing landed him in prison. Yet he continues to keep his passion focused. He knows the ONE whom he is talking about, and he can't resist sharing the Good News with anyone who will listen.

I wonder how much more we could accomplish for the Gospel if we focused on just that: the Gospel. I fear that we often channel our energies into so many different things that we lose sight of the real ministry that God has called us to from the very beginning. We are bent on doing things:

Perfectly.

Our own way.

Committed to all kinds of projects, organized ministries and lots of good things, but allowing division in the body and our own agendas to get in the way of why Jesus came in the first place.

Just think of how effective we could be for the Gospel if we were more passionate about the person - JESUS - than we were about the "project". Do you need to answer His call to return to your first love?

He is waiting patiently. Strip the unnecessary away. There is JOY in His presence.

Fall Beauty...

My time...

After a long, exhausting day, I always say there's nothing better than a chubby paw wrapped around your neck.

Or wait. Maybe sometimes I say, "Man, I wish I had just five minutes when someone wasn't hanging on me or calling my name in a chorus over and over and over..."

Yeah, that's more like it.

Tess cried out a few minutes after I had tucked her in for the night. We are serious about bedtime around here, and usually I have no problem responding with all business. After all, it was the first time the house had been quiet since six o'clock this morning. But tonight was different for some reason. Her tiny voice called my name, and before I knew it, I was laying in bed beside her.

My heart wasn't in that compassionate place at first. There were dishes to clear from the kitchen sink, and surely a load or two of laundry to fold. And a ten year old boy would need tucked in soon, after his bonus reading minutes had expired. I had computer work to do, and a list forming in my mind of the rest of the week's events. This was supposed to be my time; the first efficient time in my day.

She snuggled up so close that I could feel her nose-breath hitting my face, and it almost made me giggle. Just when I thought she was asleep, she kissed me on my lips, and I could feel the shape of hers smile. Her right hand was smack in the middle of my left cheek, pressing down like a paperweight, ensuring that I wasn't going to sneak out unnoticed anytime soon.

And then I snuggled in too. This time wrapping my arms around her, instead of hoping for a quick escape. I told her that I loved her very much, and she said thank you very much.

And I realized that sixteen will be here before I know it.

Thinking about stuff like...

... how each family member adds their own little flair to our house.

...how glad I am that God made two year-olds so cute,

to combat all the other times when they're... well... a handful.

...how much my kids mimic and learn from each other.

... how every day being a mom is worth it, even when it's hard.

... how much more I need to learn about what's really important in my days.

...that E.E. Cummings was right - "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."

The Climber...

She has a will, and she'll find a way...

... she spots her motivation (in the form of chocolate)...

... and goes in for the attack.

She would be why I don't ever get anything done.

Haircut time!

Ah, welcome March! For February being the month of love, we weren't exactly feelin' it with a surgery, a week long flu and the insanity of the opening of a new hospital. Good times. But who wants to dwell on that when we could be talking about a girl with a new 'do?!

This is Tess before her monumental first haircut a couple of weeks ago. It was long overdue, I must say. The mullet was winning, plain and simple. You can admit it along with me... I'm secure like that. :)

The problem is that the front of her hair just doesn't grow at the same pace as the back of her hair. Why this happens, I have no idea. So we waited and waited for her bangs to grow out, and they never did.

Thin, uneven, and a mullet on steroids.

When Tyler and I were broke and in college and just friends (don't fight me on this), he asked me to cut his hair. And even though I had never cut anyone's hair in my life, I agreed. Because that might have just been one more good excuse to hang out with him when I should have been studying. So we went to Wal-Mart and bought some clippers. We skipped watching the instructional video because how-hard-can-it-be-anyway, and I gave him the worst home-done haircut in the history of wanna-be dating couples. No lie.

But he lived through it, and even asked me to do it again (it would take three haircuts to get his money's worth for the clippers). Eventually I got better, and I've been cutting his hair ever since. Every month for the past sixteen years.

And I only forgot the clipper guard once. Impressive, huh?

So now three other boys get the privilege of meeting me in the master bathroom once a month for our salon dates.

Jack: Clippers in back and longer on top, being careful to cut very evenly, since his very straight hair is not very forgiving if you get it wrong. Style with molding clay for that dry, messy look.*

Trey: Clippers all over and keep it super, super short, or his coarse, thick hair will go into Chia-Pet mode. Style with Crew gel with a spike in the front. Oh, and don't forget to shave the uni-brow.*

Chase: Attempt the surfer look with a scissor cut only, and wonder every time if I really know what I'm doing. Feed him M & M's throughout the cut since it takes much, much longer than it should due to my cluelessness.*

*Repeat monthy until they get a clue that there may actually be cooler options out there other than their Mom...

(Our cute little beautician, who was probably 18 and had - literally - 15 brothers and sisters!

You don't think she feels smothered, do you?!)

So anyway, you can imagine my insecurity when it came to girl hair. I just couldn't cut it myself. She needed a style, not some best-guess attempt. So off to Cookie Cutters we went, and asked for the cutest little bob we could get for $9.99. Never a tear, thanks to the horn that beeped on her chair, and a sweet little video. I, however, was completely overbearing and annoying (hey, I'm a fake beautician, dontchaknow)...

Bobbed (and stacked!) in the back, and angled so it's longer in the front. Super cute!

What kid could not be completely distracted in this crazy place?!

We celebrated our first of many girl spa days with lunch at McCalister's afterwards. I originally thought we would go short on her hair just until her bangs grow out, but now I'm loving the look. We may just have to keep it (it kind of goes with her spunky attitude, I must say)!

This girl's not a baby anymore...

Hmm...can you say spunky?

She's One!!

Tess Elena is officially one year old!! Unbelievable ... well, sort of. :) The year has been back and forth, sometimes going slowly and hectic with much maintenance. Other times it flew by as we watched Tess accomplish more and more each day. Either way, we are loving this age as she settles into her own sweet personality (and I am loving the fact that she now crawls around saying "Mama").

Tess and Nana at her party...

(this monkey is her favorite... maybe because her daddy calls her "Monkey"??)

These girls share a birthday!

Not sure how it happened, but we ended up with a "sweets buffet" of sorts.

No one seemed to mind. :) Steph and Cory's famous peanut butter balls, designed in party colors! Too cute! Something healthy... (note to self, de-skewer fruit before giving to your children, especially if they are boys!) Tyler's surprise to me... a BonBonerie cake - all the way from Cincinnati (courtesy of the Costellos) - for our last one-year-old. When the first few cousins turned one, Cory and Stephanie started this tradition. If you haven't eaten one of these cakes, you've never lived. :)

Our smiley (unless Mama's in the room),

12 hour-sleeping (but has to be in bed by 6:30pm),

jabbering (words: "Mama," and "Hi"),

brother-loving (they babysit in the toyroom when I'm in the kitchen -

sometimes for a "happy heart", and when I'm really desperate, a quarter!),

book adoring (and book-eating!)...

attention-craving,

teeth-cutting (8 and counting),

Baby Einstein watching (four for four!),

baby wrestling (with the boys)

one year old!

Kissing her new baby doll!

We weren't quite ready when Tess grabbed for the cake.

Nothing that a little lick won't fix!

Her own personal brother fan-base!

A true girl at heart... so excited about her new shoes...

Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

Girl issues...

She got my uni-brow. So did Trey, but guys seem to pull it off a little better.

She also likes to squint a lot. Sooo much personality starting to come out (maybe with a little attitude mixed in)!

And, I've decided that most of my pictures of her will be this close for a very long time. She wants to eat the camera, and there's no stopping her.

AND, that's all I have to say, because it's late. :)

Waiting...

This is what you get when I'm waiting on my sheets to dry before I can go to bed...

Aren't you glad I forgot to switch the load over earlier? :)

Her dad didn't think it was right that she was using her brothers' tiger and lion bath towels. Too masculine for sure. Lucky for him, the hospital had some vendor set up in the lobby last week, so one day he came home with this. Much more appropriate, don't ya think? We're slowly getting in girl gear around here. I'm even becoming a softie and bought a pack of headbands for the first time recently (thought it was time to distract from the mullet!).

You have to love a daddy who looks out for his girl.

Here we go again

Tess has her turn at ear tube surgery tomorrow morning. Oh good, because now she won't feel left out! This makes three out of four kids, and actually the fifth set of tubes (not counting Trey's adenoidectomy and my tonsillectomy from the same guy... he likes us!!). We're happy to get to this point. Her hearing is delayed, levels were even lower at her last appointment, and her eardrums have never vibrated since she was born. We're so thankful for the screening in the hospital that clued us in on everything so early! All of that to say that we're ready!

**Update on The Girl: She's doing great! It was a short night of sleep for the Mom, though! I woke Tess up at 11:30pm last night to give her one last feeding before the no-food-after-midnight stipulation. She did wake up at her normal 4:00am, but with a little work I was able to get her back to sleep without feeding her. I, however, stayed up to shower, get ready, throw a load of laundry in, write notes to my school boys, and get Tess's things together to take to the hospital. We left at 5:30am and I was amazed at Tess's disposition with no breakfast and less-than-normal sleep. She was so happy and kept smiling at all of the nurses! She played well and stayed awake the whole time while we waited until her 7:30am surgery time, only getting slightly sleepy towards the end. Afterwards, it took a bit of time for her to come out of the anesthesia. She couldn't keep her eyes open and cried on and off for about an hour. Eventually the drugs kicked in and she settled into a deep sleep. We got home before lunch and she ate great and seemed like her old self again. She's been sleeping a lot today, and I'm actually off to wake her up before she gets her schedule confused. Thank you all for your prayers! The Lord certainly gave us His favor in many little details of the day, and we're happy that she finally has some relief!

SRS Post #3 - Boy oh Boy, It's a Girl!

I know it's officially Fall, but we're still Rewinding Our Summer around here (you thought I forgot, didn't you?)! There were two weeks of swimming lessons and a week of VBS to make June go by a bit faster while we waited for my June 20th due date. I entertained Chase on the sidelines (and tried to explain that he would be old enough next year to "go with the boys, please Mama" ) while Jack and Trey moved up the ranks into full-fledged swimmers this year! I never did get a picture at the pool. I was lucky enough to keep track of an insistent Chase and Trey's ear plugs.

If you're a guy reading this, what came next is a baby girl. Her name is Tess and she burps like her daddy.

If you're a girl and you enjoy a good labor story like the rest of us, read on!

It's VBS week and I'm feeling a little guilty for not helping since the baby hasn't come yet and I'm still feeling so good. Each morning that I show up at church with the boys, half a dozen people come up to me and say, "What are you still doing here?!" I'm starting to wonder the same thing, since it's Wednesday and now five days past my due date. I mention something to one of the girls like, "I think I might have had a couple of contractions this morning, but I'm sure it's nothing." Because God is good, they offer to take Chase for the morning to give me a break (who doesn't technically qualify for VBS until he's 3), and I finally agree.

Tyler leaves work and meets me at my doctor appointment that morning, where we find out that I've really not progressed at all from the week before. Are you kidding me? Five days past my due date and going nowhere. Now that's depressing. And I'm thinking that Tyler is way more depressed than me. The truth is that Tyler wants this baby out NOW. A week ago actually. He's a planner, you know, especially when it comes to babies.

We get three options from the doctor: induce, wait it out, or have a non-stress test in two days to make sure the baby is still looking good. Tyler votes to induce, I vote to wait, and so we both walk out frustrated with a non-stress-test-compromise scheduled for Friday. Now to be fair, Tyler's desire to induce stemmed out of genuine concern for a lot of things: childcare for the boys, health for the baby, predictability for all involved (especially for me and the epidural I missed last time!), and the certainty that he wouldn't deliver our fourth baby in our driveway (Chase came 30 minutes after we arrived at the hospital). Oh, and nevermind that his mind officially checked out of work five days prior. He should have been on vacation by now, you know.

Now we're standing in the OB parking lot getting ready to go our separate ways: Tyler back to work, and me to the church to pick up the boys. Tyler really can't understand why I wouldn't want to induce, and I say something about God's timing and my body doing it's thing. It's rare that Tyler and I don't agree on something, so this is really starting to get to me. After a way too emotional discussion (argument is such a strong word, isn't it?!), I say that I'll call the office that afternoon to schedule an induction. I might have even said "...if it will make you happy," but don't quote me on that. :)

I pick up the boys at noon, and have to stop mid-sentence while I'm saying goodbye to a friend. I tell her that I think I might have just had a contraction. Sure enough, what seem to be decent contractions come closer and closer together the whole drive home (which ends up taking 45 minutes instead of the normal 15 since I65 is closed due to an accident and I have to backtrack through town!). Trey gave the play-by-play the whole way home ("She's havin' a cramp guys.... oh, man, she's havin' another one..."), and if I wouldn't have been driving and in labor, I would have wrung his sweet little neck.

We finally make it home by 1pm and I whip up some mac and cheese for the boys for lunch. They're starving don't you know, and I'm in major denial. I begin to write down the times on the contractions since they seem pretty frequent (and since I had to stop twice to breathe while scooping out the pasta). Everyone gets their food and I see that I have a new message on voicemail. I push play to hear Tyler's sweet voice, saying he's sorry for our conversation earlier, and please don't schedule the induction. Today will be his last day of work, and we can wait for the baby together. I laugh out loud, realizing that the last two contractions were only four minutes apart. Yeah, I'd better return his call.

Tyler heads home, calling the babysitter on his way. Her ETA is 30 minutes, but remember that little detail about Tyler not wanting to deliver our baby at home? He's not one to mess around. Before I know it, our sweet neighbor friend is in my kitchen with her two kids, ready to fill in until the babysitter can get there. I'm trying to get Chase to eat his last few bites of lunch, and Tyler tells me that - really - Nikki can finish the job. He won't eat for her, though, I think to myself, and then he'll be hungry. Tyler insists that we need to go NOW, so I reluctantly put down the fork, kiss my boys and head out the door.

Somewhere between our house and the hospital contractions get to be two minutes apart, and I remember praying to God for them to slow down. I also remember praying specifically for my attitude since I was sure I wouldn't get there in time for the epidural. I was not myself the last time that happened. Maybe if I could just prepare myself mentally this time around, then Tyler wouldn't have to hyperventilate from all the chaos.

You sure are a trooper if you've read to this point. This is really the end of the story guys...er, I mean ladies.

After 15 minutes in a room by ourselves, Tyler speaks his mind at the nurse's station to let them know that this baby is coming fast. No one is available but the OB Director of Nursing, so she helps to deliver Tess in her dress clothes about 30 minutes later (2:53pm... and the boys got out of VBS at noon!). And wonder of all wonders, my doctor arrived in time, and so did my epidural. Is the Lord good or what?

Her name is Tess Elena (Elena after Tyler's Meemaw Elene), and what a surprise it was when the doctor said she was a girl! In three short months she's already softened up every single one of these boys. How about that for a way to spend your summer? I'll take her over Disney World any day...

Girly-Head

That's what Trey calls her! Our friend Tonya in Africa has been waiting patiently for a picture of Tess with her eyes open, so here it is! That is a task in itself, since she's usually sleeping, or we're holding her, or she's not very happy about the fact that one of the first two things isn't happening! Either she's one of our fussier babies, or we can't remember how fussy the other ones were (the Lord helps us forget, doesn't He, kind of like labor!). But somehow that doesn't even matter, because it's all new and pretty amazing, this girl thing. And by baby #4, you've learned how to chill out, big time (well, most of the time). The boys are the ones who can't stand to hear her cry. Before I can even get to her, she's surrounded by her posse, and they're ready to shush, pat and talk in really high voices until they're convinced that she must be ready to eat (even if I just got done feeding her). She doesn't seem to mind that none of us can stay out of her face for very long. Good thing, because we're not stopping anytime soon.

Two months old!

If it wasn't for this sweet ride, I wouldn't get a shower most days. Thanks, Cory and Steph, for letting us borrow your baby swing! As you can tell, she thinks it's pretty cozy in there. Now if I could just get Chase to stop helping the swing swing, everyone would feel that peaceful. Tess had her two month Dr. appointment today and weighed 12 lbs. 12 ounces (97th percentile)! Who said this girl couldn't keep up with her brothers! She's wearing a 6 month sleeper today, so I'll be doing some girl-clothes shopping before long. Twist my arm. Good news on her ears. Tess initially failed her hearing test in the hospital. After more extensive testing at Purdue, we found that although her hearing is fully functional, it is significantly delayed. This is most likely due to fluid in her ears. We met with our ENT (who put tubes in Trey and Chase's ears) who confirmed that ear problems of this nature are in fact familial (not necessarily genetic, but proven to run in families), and that there is a pretty good chance that she'll have to have ear tubes as well. They'll do nothing now, but will recheck again in 3 months when she is big enough to go under anesthesia. She wouldn't be our kid if she didn't have surgery before age 4! All easy fixes, so we'll take it. God is good.